A gentleman contacted me today because he had lost his license because of Macula Degeneration (an eye disorder) and he wanted to know how I adjusted to that loss. I was in my early 30s when I lost my license. He said that I made it look easy and I didn't seem to worry about it. He thought that I didn't seem to suffer much because of not driving.
I was reminded that we can never tell what is going on inside a person by looking at them. It was not an easy transition for me at all. It still has a negative impact on my life.
We expect that as part of the aging process, we will lose our ability to drive. This is almost a normal transition in aging. When you lose your ability to drive early in your career, it has much larger implications in my opinion.
Vision loss cost me my career and it is the gift that keeps on giving because it still gets in the way of the life that I want to live. I have made choices that I would never have made had I still been driving.
I was not a casual driver - I was, like this gentleman, a person who loved to drive and who depended on driving for entertainment purposes. Being a single mom without a driver's license has meant that my daughter could not have the life that her friends had. We never had the freedom of spontaneous travel and running to the store to pick up something was not a luxury we enjoyed. Our lifestyle was greatly compromised without a car. I will add that many people have no car but we had a car and we knew what it was to lose that luxury or some might say necessity in this day and age. My quality of life is not at the level that it would be if I drove. I didn't tell him all of that - he was not ready for that yet. It would come in time.
It may look like I don't mind on the outside but on the inside it is a continuing battle to adjust. Loss of any type requires that we go through a grieving process - the same as we would with the loss of a loved one. Losing your license is often trivialized until you have to go through it yourself. There isn't an area that is not impacted by my inability to drive.
So I told this gentleman that he has to make a choice to be ok with the new life but that he doesn't have to rush. Learn to grieve and that means embracing what is being lost. This man was an active man who operated machinery and drove a motor home - he won't have the same ability and choices - sugar coating it won't help anyone. But he has to come to terms with the new reality and when he accepts himself for who he is now, he will start to see that there are options in life that will bring him joy again. This won't happen overnight - it is a process that is more like the waves that come in the ocean - sometimes gentle and other times ferocious.
I've heard it said that it takes 2 years to transition to a new place and I think that is right. When we don't get the help we need, we end up in places that can add to our grief. I would advise him to take advantage of programs like CNIB Adjustment to Vision Loss, professional counselling and connecting with others who have gone through the same thing.
Family members and close friends need to be educated on the impact of vision loss so that they can appreciate the transition and know what needs to be done to help him through the tough period.
Losing the ability to drive is nasty - but there is a world without it once we learn to accept ourselves.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
An Aptitude for Diversity
An Aptitude for Diversity
Depending on where we are located in the country, attitudes toward women in trades may vary. Exposure shapes attitudes and I believe that we develop an “aptitude for diversity” by being exposed to diversity. As I write this, I am reminded of the struggles that women have with aptitude testing and how exposure is tied to aptitude but I digress. The time has come when developing an aptitude for diversity in the construction industry is not so much an option as it is a necessity.
From grade P-3, my daughter went to school in Ontario where there were 11 languages spoken in her classroom - I believe that this early exposure gave her an aptitude for diversity. The statement is not a judgement but rather an acknowledgement that this early exposure prepared her to be accepting of diversity. When we moved to Nova Scotia, she came home and told me that there were no other languages spoken in her class but English - it was very obvious - not right or wrong, just obvious. I believe that we develop an aptitude for diversity by being exposed to diversity.
Let's think of this in terms of tradeswomen. In my experience, growing up in rural NL for example, I did not meet many women who were working in non-traditional work for pay. There were a lot of hard working women who were doing non-traditional work around the home as a result of circumstances. Construction workers in NL were largely migratory and that meant women were often left at home to do the repairs around the house while their spouses went away to make a living. These women worked very hard and were quite capable of doing "men's" work. But working outside the home in non-traditional work for pay was unheard of.
There were also many women doing very hard work in the fishery but that work was traditionally work that the women did. So in spite of the fact that it was heavy work, it was not considered non-traditional work. As women, we did not have exposure to women in trades and the men in trades were not exposed to women in the industry either.
Exposure develops the aptitude for diversity. Without the exposure there is a little bit of stereotyping, room for discrimination and a certain amount of fear by all parties. I like to say that if they're not loving, they're fearing. Exposure takes the mystery out of difference and highlights our similarities.
I can remember when I was growing up that there was a woman who lived in our area and she was a sheep breeder. My father would often mention her and how she was "like a man" and "different" and "not a normal woman". None of these descriptors were meant in harm, he was speaking his truth. The women that he had been exposed to played supporting roles in life, not leading roles. The notion that a woman would want to take a leading role was a foreign concept. It was the way of the world.
Outmigration, low birth rates, an aging population have all combined to present us with an opportunity for diversification in the industry. The Construction industry must diversify. Women will be recruited to fill those roles. But here’s the challenge.
The industry was designed by men for men and it does not suit the needs of women. The culture is harsh on women and retention has always been a challenge. We all know that doing things the way they were always done and expecting different results is a great way to throw good money after bad. We're entering a new era - things have to change.
People focus on recruiting and training women and that's great; recruiting and training are good but how much energy goes into making the environment more welcoming? Absolutely none - there is no real acknowledgement that the environment is challenging. That’s the first step toward real inclusion. Organizational change requires at least a 2 pronged approach – women have to prepare for the industry and the industry needs to prepare for the women. It's the only way that women will be able to go into this profession and make it their own. It is the only way that the profession can attract and retain talent. The reality on the ground speaks a different story and only time will tell the tale.
Depending on where we are located in the country, attitudes toward women in trades may vary. Exposure shapes attitudes and I believe that we develop an “aptitude for diversity” by being exposed to diversity. As I write this, I am reminded of the struggles that women have with aptitude testing and how exposure is tied to aptitude but I digress. The time has come when developing an aptitude for diversity in the construction industry is not so much an option as it is a necessity.
From grade P-3, my daughter went to school in Ontario where there were 11 languages spoken in her classroom - I believe that this early exposure gave her an aptitude for diversity. The statement is not a judgement but rather an acknowledgement that this early exposure prepared her to be accepting of diversity. When we moved to Nova Scotia, she came home and told me that there were no other languages spoken in her class but English - it was very obvious - not right or wrong, just obvious. I believe that we develop an aptitude for diversity by being exposed to diversity.
Let's think of this in terms of tradeswomen. In my experience, growing up in rural NL for example, I did not meet many women who were working in non-traditional work for pay. There were a lot of hard working women who were doing non-traditional work around the home as a result of circumstances. Construction workers in NL were largely migratory and that meant women were often left at home to do the repairs around the house while their spouses went away to make a living. These women worked very hard and were quite capable of doing "men's" work. But working outside the home in non-traditional work for pay was unheard of.
There were also many women doing very hard work in the fishery but that work was traditionally work that the women did. So in spite of the fact that it was heavy work, it was not considered non-traditional work. As women, we did not have exposure to women in trades and the men in trades were not exposed to women in the industry either.
Exposure develops the aptitude for diversity. Without the exposure there is a little bit of stereotyping, room for discrimination and a certain amount of fear by all parties. I like to say that if they're not loving, they're fearing. Exposure takes the mystery out of difference and highlights our similarities.
I can remember when I was growing up that there was a woman who lived in our area and she was a sheep breeder. My father would often mention her and how she was "like a man" and "different" and "not a normal woman". None of these descriptors were meant in harm, he was speaking his truth. The women that he had been exposed to played supporting roles in life, not leading roles. The notion that a woman would want to take a leading role was a foreign concept. It was the way of the world.
Outmigration, low birth rates, an aging population have all combined to present us with an opportunity for diversification in the industry. The Construction industry must diversify. Women will be recruited to fill those roles. But here’s the challenge.
The industry was designed by men for men and it does not suit the needs of women. The culture is harsh on women and retention has always been a challenge. We all know that doing things the way they were always done and expecting different results is a great way to throw good money after bad. We're entering a new era - things have to change.
People focus on recruiting and training women and that's great; recruiting and training are good but how much energy goes into making the environment more welcoming? Absolutely none - there is no real acknowledgement that the environment is challenging. That’s the first step toward real inclusion. Organizational change requires at least a 2 pronged approach – women have to prepare for the industry and the industry needs to prepare for the women. It's the only way that women will be able to go into this profession and make it their own. It is the only way that the profession can attract and retain talent. The reality on the ground speaks a different story and only time will tell the tale.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Social Media - Generational Difference
What a great afternoon. The Sackville Business Association hosted a wonderful Social Media event at the Avodah Cafe in Lower Sackville today. We enjoyed delicious soup, sandwiches and desserts while we learned all about using modern technologies to develop relationships with people online.
Joel Kelly of MT&L, Sarah Carver of Radian6 and Lauren Oostveen of Nova Scotia Archives shared some fascinating information about the benefits of social media and some stories about what can go wrong when it is not managed well. It was informative and a little overwhelming at the same time.
It goes without saying that Social Media is the way of the future and it will impact business in a large way. I had a real ah ha moment during the presentation as I realized how important it is to ensure that if you're going to do the online thing, it makes good sense that you do it well. A half baked program can ruin your image. It is another example of the difference between the generations - the younger folk clearly excel at grasping and utilizing this media.
But, and this is the caveat - at the end of the day, it's not the panacea that everyone might think it is. Social Media, when done well, will get people in the door and face to face with a client. The face to face part is probably the "old fashioned" part and it is the area where the older folk are excelling. After all, for time immemorial, the older generation have been fostering, nurturing and growing face to face relationships.
The final outcome for me - I'll be making sure that I tweak my online presence in the coming months to get with the game. I see that it does have value and I'll be getting a younger person - like my nephew Shane - to really help me to get it right. It's another example of how the generations compliment one another with the skills that they have in a world that is quite diverse.
Joel Kelly of MT&L, Sarah Carver of Radian6 and Lauren Oostveen of Nova Scotia Archives shared some fascinating information about the benefits of social media and some stories about what can go wrong when it is not managed well. It was informative and a little overwhelming at the same time.
It goes without saying that Social Media is the way of the future and it will impact business in a large way. I had a real ah ha moment during the presentation as I realized how important it is to ensure that if you're going to do the online thing, it makes good sense that you do it well. A half baked program can ruin your image. It is another example of the difference between the generations - the younger folk clearly excel at grasping and utilizing this media.
But, and this is the caveat - at the end of the day, it's not the panacea that everyone might think it is. Social Media, when done well, will get people in the door and face to face with a client. The face to face part is probably the "old fashioned" part and it is the area where the older folk are excelling. After all, for time immemorial, the older generation have been fostering, nurturing and growing face to face relationships.
The final outcome for me - I'll be making sure that I tweak my online presence in the coming months to get with the game. I see that it does have value and I'll be getting a younger person - like my nephew Shane - to really help me to get it right. It's another example of how the generations compliment one another with the skills that they have in a world that is quite diverse.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Going Forward
We were not all fortunate enough to grow up in families where our needs were always met – many of us grew up in environments that were not nurturing. Childhood trauma, poverty, bad parenting, alcoholism, abuse and neglect are just a few of the reasons why children grow up with a distorted view of the world. When a child can’t trust the primary caregiver, it leaves a lasting impression. Children are often torn between a desire to move forward and an obligation to protect the family secrets. Roles become reversed and the children become parents.
The story does not end there. The real tragedy is that sometimes the problems we inherit as children interfere with our success as adults. I have met a lot of adults who have not managed to put their past into perspective. Having experienced a substantial amount of trauma in my own life, I can certainly appreciate where they are coming from and what the challenges are.
There are others though who are taking back their lives, doing the work to understand the past and then making better choices for the future. I am delighted to meet other entrepreneurs who have put their past into perspective and then used their experiences from childhood to make the world a better place. As we chat together the one thing that we realize is that putting the past in perspective is essential to moving forward. The other thing that we agree upon is that we gained a lot of skill in those difficult places and we are using those skills in our businesses.
We acknowledge that it was not a battle that was easily won and there were certain steps that we followed. Accepting and acknowledging our past was key combined with a willingness to forgive and let go. We all speak about letting go of shame that was not our own. We then accepted that we were adults and as adults we have control over what happens to our lives from here on in.
A friend of mine imparted a wonderful piece of wisdom recently when she said. “When we made mistakes in the past – we were doing the best we could with the tools that we had. Now we have new tools and with those tools we are making better decisions.” I thought that this was a profound piece of advice – we can’t change where we came from but we can certainly control where it is that we are going.
Choose to be the best that you can be!!!
The story does not end there. The real tragedy is that sometimes the problems we inherit as children interfere with our success as adults. I have met a lot of adults who have not managed to put their past into perspective. Having experienced a substantial amount of trauma in my own life, I can certainly appreciate where they are coming from and what the challenges are.
There are others though who are taking back their lives, doing the work to understand the past and then making better choices for the future. I am delighted to meet other entrepreneurs who have put their past into perspective and then used their experiences from childhood to make the world a better place. As we chat together the one thing that we realize is that putting the past in perspective is essential to moving forward. The other thing that we agree upon is that we gained a lot of skill in those difficult places and we are using those skills in our businesses.
We acknowledge that it was not a battle that was easily won and there were certain steps that we followed. Accepting and acknowledging our past was key combined with a willingness to forgive and let go. We all speak about letting go of shame that was not our own. We then accepted that we were adults and as adults we have control over what happens to our lives from here on in.
A friend of mine imparted a wonderful piece of wisdom recently when she said. “When we made mistakes in the past – we were doing the best we could with the tools that we had. Now we have new tools and with those tools we are making better decisions.” I thought that this was a profound piece of advice – we can’t change where we came from but we can certainly control where it is that we are going.
Choose to be the best that you can be!!!
Monday, June 28, 2010
First Impressions
How often do you look at a person and make assumptions about them based on their appearances or other information that is readily available to the naked eye. I know that I am guilty of this myself. It is probably a good thing to make quick judgements for safety reasons. It's wise to make a quick call about whether we are safe and to act on that. I think that we don't want to stop there. We should learn that sometimes we're wrong.
Recently I was at the hairdresser and we were chatting and she was telling me about overweight people. People who know me know that I am not exactly Twiggy material (Paris Hilton for the younger folk). I'm a heavyset woman. Getting back to my story, she then told me that she would never hire a heavy woman in her salon and I asked her why. She told me that big people are lazy and they couldn't get out of their own way and we did go on to talk about the pressure to "appear" a certain way.
The larger message in what she was saying is not uncommon today - people are very quick to judge. We all know people who are lazy - big people, small people, men, women, children - it's life. But to assume that big people are lazy by virtue of their size is stigma buzz. We all know big people who are hard workers but that's not the image that a lot of people automatically see.
I've been guilty of this type of judgement in my own life. Vision loss interfered with what was to be a promising career. I struggled with calling myself "disabled"regardless of how I tweaked the phrase. My image that was ingrained in me was of what we historically said and did about the disabled and I was not "one of them". I pictured a blind person as a "basket weaver" not as a productive member of society. It is not my proudest admission . I'm even ashamed of how I used to think. But I do know where it came from because I'm an intelligent woman and I've taken the time to "learn" differently and now I have the skill to challenge my own assumptions.
The biggest tragedy is not in making assumptions about people - don't beat yourself up over it. The biggest tragedy is in believing and acting on those assumptions without proper evidence.. The assumptions I'm thinking of are usually harmful. I am now a representative of many stigmatized groups, single mother, overweight, blind/disabled and the list goes on.
It's tough to live in a world that judges but the world judges - so we build defences against that but how nice it is to take down those defences - to be judged by who we are, not the label we hold. I invite you readers to pay attention to the assumptions you are making about people and whether you're then allowing the evidence to disprove you or are you only accepting evidence that proves your point. Which is it?
Recently I was at the hairdresser and we were chatting and she was telling me about overweight people. People who know me know that I am not exactly Twiggy material (Paris Hilton for the younger folk). I'm a heavyset woman. Getting back to my story, she then told me that she would never hire a heavy woman in her salon and I asked her why. She told me that big people are lazy and they couldn't get out of their own way and we did go on to talk about the pressure to "appear" a certain way.
The larger message in what she was saying is not uncommon today - people are very quick to judge. We all know people who are lazy - big people, small people, men, women, children - it's life. But to assume that big people are lazy by virtue of their size is stigma buzz. We all know big people who are hard workers but that's not the image that a lot of people automatically see.
I've been guilty of this type of judgement in my own life. Vision loss interfered with what was to be a promising career. I struggled with calling myself "disabled"regardless of how I tweaked the phrase. My image that was ingrained in me was of what we historically said and did about the disabled and I was not "one of them". I pictured a blind person as a "basket weaver" not as a productive member of society. It is not my proudest admission . I'm even ashamed of how I used to think. But I do know where it came from because I'm an intelligent woman and I've taken the time to "learn" differently and now I have the skill to challenge my own assumptions.
The biggest tragedy is not in making assumptions about people - don't beat yourself up over it. The biggest tragedy is in believing and acting on those assumptions without proper evidence.. The assumptions I'm thinking of are usually harmful. I am now a representative of many stigmatized groups, single mother, overweight, blind/disabled and the list goes on.
It's tough to live in a world that judges but the world judges - so we build defences against that but how nice it is to take down those defences - to be judged by who we are, not the label we hold. I invite you readers to pay attention to the assumptions you are making about people and whether you're then allowing the evidence to disprove you or are you only accepting evidence that proves your point. Which is it?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The World Around You
Today I'm thinking about society and wondering what our responsibility is to the citizens. There is no doubt that those who have more will get more for many reasons. In all likelihood, if they can't advocate for themselves, they'll hire someone to advocate for them. Higher levels of education means that they have abilities to articulate their own needs. This will lead to a better quality of life across the lifespan and in particular in their old age.
All around me I see the less fortunate who are struggling to make ends meet and who have never really known a day when someone else took on their burden. Paying for supports is not an option for many aging people. There are so many elderly single women who are still trying to support their children with insufficient supports for themselves. I hear people blame the victim way too often.
Our government supports the market economy with very little support for people before or after they enter the workforce. As a person who attended university at a later age, I was surprised by what I learned about sociology and why we are the way we are. I don't think that people should have to go to university to understand their world. There should be access to discussions in other venues.
In a society that is allowed to become largely individualist, there are going to be a lot of people left out. "It takes a village" and we're losing our village mentality in places where it matters.
All around me I see the less fortunate who are struggling to make ends meet and who have never really known a day when someone else took on their burden. Paying for supports is not an option for many aging people. There are so many elderly single women who are still trying to support their children with insufficient supports for themselves. I hear people blame the victim way too often.
Our government supports the market economy with very little support for people before or after they enter the workforce. As a person who attended university at a later age, I was surprised by what I learned about sociology and why we are the way we are. I don't think that people should have to go to university to understand their world. There should be access to discussions in other venues.
In a society that is allowed to become largely individualist, there are going to be a lot of people left out. "It takes a village" and we're losing our village mentality in places where it matters.
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